As I try to gain clarity about what I want and how I want to make a living to support myself after spending the last three years writing, I find that I am hitting a ceiling. I have self imposed limitations on how much I can attain and what I can accomplish. I am beginning to ask myself the following questions to see where I am at:
What's the ceiling on what you think you can accomplish?
What's the ceiling on what you think you can make in a year or on a weekly or bimonthly basis?
What's the number that makes you say, "Nah, I could never make that or that's too much."?
What do you believe is realistically possible?
What are some smaller steps to grow the belief in something more?
The more I explore the answers to these questions, the greater clarity I get into what is blocking me from the letting the full flow of abundance in. I seem to hit a ceiling of about 250,000, with 500,000 being my "nah, I could never make that much". I am still investigating what that is about, whether it is a matter of not feeling I deserve it or just that I've never imagined having that much and I just need to get used to the idea of being comfortable, perhaps even wealthy.
Try asking yourself the same questions and see what comes up for you. Awareness and knowledge is power.
Stephanie
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Fear and Being Present
The following is post from my survivor blog which I felt would be appropriate here as well.
Sometimes we feel so broken, we can't even imagine ever being "fixed". We want to feel normal, to be happy and not in fear of the next thing that may take it all away. I work hard at staying in the moment, being present because when I drift, my conditioning takes over. I start to think about the pain, which makes me think about the possible pain to come, which makes me afraid, which makes me hold back, which makes me feel overwhelmed then numb.
Today I came across the following quote: Fear is never about anything real. Fear is the story of the future, always and the future does not exist. So there is nothing to be frightened of. Carol L. Skolnick
When I am feeling broken, I am thinking of either the past or the future. I am imagining that I may never feel good again. I am remembering the trauma and the pain. I am not in the beauty of my present. Instead I am living in the fear of a future that may never come. If I can allow myself this moment, this moment of laughter, of sadness, of struggle even, I will see that I am complete just as I stand. All is as it should be. There is nothing to fear, for anything I fear is about something I think may happen. It is not real. In this moment I am exactly where I need to be.
Today I am working on staying right here, right in the moment. I am beginning to ask myself the question, "where are you?" to remind myself to return again and again to my now. Now is the only place I need to be, it is my place of power. From the moment I am in, I can create what I want in my life. I can ask and move toward my desires. Feeling whole is one of them and believing in my wholeness another. Today I ask to feel whole, to feel normal, to feel complete. Today I want to accept and embrace the brokenness and the parts of me that are just not quite "right" and in time understand that just like the fear, they are only an illusion.
Sometimes we feel so broken, we can't even imagine ever being "fixed". We want to feel normal, to be happy and not in fear of the next thing that may take it all away. I work hard at staying in the moment, being present because when I drift, my conditioning takes over. I start to think about the pain, which makes me think about the possible pain to come, which makes me afraid, which makes me hold back, which makes me feel overwhelmed then numb.
Today I came across the following quote: Fear is never about anything real. Fear is the story of the future, always and the future does not exist. So there is nothing to be frightened of. Carol L. Skolnick
When I am feeling broken, I am thinking of either the past or the future. I am imagining that I may never feel good again. I am remembering the trauma and the pain. I am not in the beauty of my present. Instead I am living in the fear of a future that may never come. If I can allow myself this moment, this moment of laughter, of sadness, of struggle even, I will see that I am complete just as I stand. All is as it should be. There is nothing to fear, for anything I fear is about something I think may happen. It is not real. In this moment I am exactly where I need to be.
Today I am working on staying right here, right in the moment. I am beginning to ask myself the question, "where are you?" to remind myself to return again and again to my now. Now is the only place I need to be, it is my place of power. From the moment I am in, I can create what I want in my life. I can ask and move toward my desires. Feeling whole is one of them and believing in my wholeness another. Today I ask to feel whole, to feel normal, to feel complete. Today I want to accept and embrace the brokenness and the parts of me that are just not quite "right" and in time understand that just like the fear, they are only an illusion.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Letting the Life Force In
For a long time I felt dead inside catching only a fleeting feeling of being alive every once in a while. I was existing in my life, going through the motions, avoiding the feelings, pretending to be someone I was not. I searched for happiness and wondered why I could not sustain feelings of joy, why I continually fell backward into that familiar pit of despair. What was I doing wrong, I wondered. In every breath it seemed I was going against myself. I was in a marriage I did not believe in. I was in a career I did not love. I was in a constant battle with myself through unsustainable standards of perfection. I didn't, I couldn't love myself. I lived in the lower levels of the emotional scale most of my life and the truth was I was painfully accustomed to it. When a moment of joy happened to make it's way past my low vibration, I didn't even know how to respond to it. I wondered how long it would last, how long before the bell tolled. I couldn't embrace it. It was so foreign to me.
Eventually, I realized after several firm nudges from the Universe, that I was not letting the Life Force in. I was not allowing myself the joy I deserved. I was not believing that it was possible. My body in turn responded with dis-ease, parts of me started to die and had to be removed surgically. I did not understand then the power I had to shift this. I didn't realize that by allowing the Life Force in and living from a place of joy and passion, I could reverse the dis-ease in my body.
These chronic diseases were small gifts, pushing me to live my life more fully. They were the perfect contrast to propel me into the desire for well being. The first thing I started to do was dance. I loved to dance and so after years of fearing embarassment, I put on my ipod and danced my heart away. I also started to walk and lift weights, both of which I enjoyed. I made sure that spent my days experiencing joy on some level even though my home situation was very painful on an emotional level and my physical body seemed to be turning on me. I did Reiki and meditation, I went on a healing retreat, I got a massage, I watched Everybody Loves Raymond every day, I practiced breathing, I read, I wrote and I let myself for the first time feel my feelings. In time I could feel the Life Force flowing through my body.
I no longer wanted to sleep for 8-9 hours, in fact I couldn't sleep past 5-7 most days. I smiled more, I loved more, I laughed more and even as I made the necessary often painful changes in my life, I remained for the most part optimistic. I was able to heal my sciatica pain and I am currently healing the last remnants of physical manifestations of emotional distress. Inspiration for my first business is flowing through me every day and the Universe is aligning all the resources necessary for this next venture. Despite being in the process of a divorce and having a health issue that needs to be taken care of in the next month, I can say that life is oh, so good and that I am LIVING it.
Are you?
Lovingly,
Stephanie
Eventually, I realized after several firm nudges from the Universe, that I was not letting the Life Force in. I was not allowing myself the joy I deserved. I was not believing that it was possible. My body in turn responded with dis-ease, parts of me started to die and had to be removed surgically. I did not understand then the power I had to shift this. I didn't realize that by allowing the Life Force in and living from a place of joy and passion, I could reverse the dis-ease in my body.
These chronic diseases were small gifts, pushing me to live my life more fully. They were the perfect contrast to propel me into the desire for well being. The first thing I started to do was dance. I loved to dance and so after years of fearing embarassment, I put on my ipod and danced my heart away. I also started to walk and lift weights, both of which I enjoyed. I made sure that spent my days experiencing joy on some level even though my home situation was very painful on an emotional level and my physical body seemed to be turning on me. I did Reiki and meditation, I went on a healing retreat, I got a massage, I watched Everybody Loves Raymond every day, I practiced breathing, I read, I wrote and I let myself for the first time feel my feelings. In time I could feel the Life Force flowing through my body.
I no longer wanted to sleep for 8-9 hours, in fact I couldn't sleep past 5-7 most days. I smiled more, I loved more, I laughed more and even as I made the necessary often painful changes in my life, I remained for the most part optimistic. I was able to heal my sciatica pain and I am currently healing the last remnants of physical manifestations of emotional distress. Inspiration for my first business is flowing through me every day and the Universe is aligning all the resources necessary for this next venture. Despite being in the process of a divorce and having a health issue that needs to be taken care of in the next month, I can say that life is oh, so good and that I am LIVING it.
Are you?
Lovingly,
Stephanie
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Small Resistances
Sometimes it is the little things that often get in the way of allowing. It is our constant attention and focus on the annoying details that keep our vibes way down the emotional scale. In identifying what they are and being aware of them, they can begin to lose their power. Here are some of my lovelies:
Stains on the rug
No one offering to do dishes
Clutter in the bedroom
The house is a mess
My husband not answering me
My daughter being "snotty"
Running out of something and not having a back up ready to go
A family member eating something else when I cooked for them
A family member buying something in our house, labeling it and not sharing! The nerve. (funny, I used to do this, now it irks me, go figure)
Having to wait for the girls to give us their car payments
My granddaughter not listening, being disrespectful, screaming.
The reason these minor details bother me, is because of the meaning out I've made out of them. It is my perception of the above that is the problem. If no one offers to wash the dishes, my story around that is that they do not appreciate me or care. If I believe that they do not appreciate or care about me then the unwashed dishes take on a whole new meaning.
Just noticing that I'm beating that drum again, as Abe says, and shifting my perception perhaps through forking or scripting how I'd like to see the dishes or see the people that who are not "helping" out, diminishes the power it has over me. So the next time I see a pile of dishes, I see a pile of dishes, nothing else. And when I see the lovely faces of my daughters, I don't see girls who don't care, but girls who are following the beat of their own drum.
Stains on the rug
No one offering to do dishes
Clutter in the bedroom
The house is a mess
My husband not answering me
My daughter being "snotty"
Running out of something and not having a back up ready to go
A family member eating something else when I cooked for them
A family member buying something in our house, labeling it and not sharing! The nerve. (funny, I used to do this, now it irks me, go figure)
Having to wait for the girls to give us their car payments
My granddaughter not listening, being disrespectful, screaming.
The reason these minor details bother me, is because of the meaning out I've made out of them. It is my perception of the above that is the problem. If no one offers to wash the dishes, my story around that is that they do not appreciate me or care. If I believe that they do not appreciate or care about me then the unwashed dishes take on a whole new meaning.
Just noticing that I'm beating that drum again, as Abe says, and shifting my perception perhaps through forking or scripting how I'd like to see the dishes or see the people that who are not "helping" out, diminishes the power it has over me. So the next time I see a pile of dishes, I see a pile of dishes, nothing else. And when I see the lovely faces of my daughters, I don't see girls who don't care, but girls who are following the beat of their own drum.
Getting Into The Feeling Of What You Want
There are so many fun ways to create the life you want, to get in the feeling of the life you want, to explore the life you want, to let go and surrender enough so that it may come to you more easily. Some fellow deliberate manifestors do a workshop each day including any of the following processes or exercises:
Rampage of Appreciation (Abe) Top 20
Any process from Ask and It is Given such as scripting or the placemat process
List ways of being for the day, think about your day and who you want to be today, how you want to feel, write your grandest vision of yourself.
From the "BE" list create your to do list. (If I'm going to feel peaceful today, I'm going to do a meditation or a process to help me along)
Do a guided meditation with a CD.
Do a no thought meditation and simply allow.
Do a visualization session in which you dream up what you want and see yourself there.
Listen to something that inspires you.
Play the prosperity game (www.choosingprosperity.com).
Prayer
Yoga, Chi Gong, Tai Chi (very much like meditation which helps you to allow)
Dance and melt away your resistance
Listen to music
Write all the things you love about yourself/See yourself through Source's eyes.
Open yourself to what Abraham calls, inspired action. Action that feels good and feels right.
Happy Manifesting!
Stephanie
Rampage of Appreciation (Abe) Top 20
Any process from Ask and It is Given such as scripting or the placemat process
List ways of being for the day, think about your day and who you want to be today, how you want to feel, write your grandest vision of yourself.
From the "BE" list create your to do list. (If I'm going to feel peaceful today, I'm going to do a meditation or a process to help me along)
Do a guided meditation with a CD.
Do a no thought meditation and simply allow.
Do a visualization session in which you dream up what you want and see yourself there.
Listen to something that inspires you.
Play the prosperity game (www.choosingprosperity.com).
Prayer
Yoga, Chi Gong, Tai Chi (very much like meditation which helps you to allow)
Dance and melt away your resistance
Listen to music
Write all the things you love about yourself/See yourself through Source's eyes.
Open yourself to what Abraham calls, inspired action. Action that feels good and feels right.
Happy Manifesting!
Stephanie
Rampage of Love and Appreciation
I am so blessed, so blessed to have the perfect conditions for me to grow and evolve. The perfect contrast for me to step out of the comfort of my well worn shoes. I live in the perfection of my Universe. I live in the perfection that is me and my life. All people come to me for my highest good, to support me, to love me, to admire me, to help me see the awesomeness of who I am.
As a mother I am loving, flexible, understadning, encouraging and thoughtful. As a wife, I have been loyal, supportive, caring, forgiving and nurturing in the ways I could be. As a stepmother, I am tolerant, I listen, I appreciate, I love, I am proud. As a grandmother I am playful, funny, loving, carefree, appreciative, in joy (enjoying), having a ball.
As a woman I am funny, sexy, smart, sassy. I listen, I listen deeply. I am insightful, intuitive, compassionate, understanding. I am playful and affectionate. I am sarcastic but in a funny kind of way. I am open, I am honest, I am willing, I am a risk taker.
I see the light in people and I appreciate them. I thank God for them. I see the value in all human beings even if they are there to teach me what NOT to be. I am ambitious, I am optimistic about my future. I see a life full of passion, creativity and fun.
Everyday I let go a little more, loosen up a bit more, open myself up a bit more. Life is about fun and living in joy. I am committed to meeting the needs of all parts of myself. I want to be surrounded by people who are a match to who I am and who I want to be. I want to learn to be more open, authentic, loving, passionate, energetic, accepting.
Today I love who I am, and who I am becoming.
I am beautiful.
My value cannot be lessened by anyone. I am just as important, as significant, as special as all of God's creations and yet I am different enough, unique enough to bring something of particular value to the world. Together we make beautiful music. Disease cannot live in this body. I will no longer deny the precious being that I am.
As a mother I am loving, flexible, understadning, encouraging and thoughtful. As a wife, I have been loyal, supportive, caring, forgiving and nurturing in the ways I could be. As a stepmother, I am tolerant, I listen, I appreciate, I love, I am proud. As a grandmother I am playful, funny, loving, carefree, appreciative, in joy (enjoying), having a ball.
As a woman I am funny, sexy, smart, sassy. I listen, I listen deeply. I am insightful, intuitive, compassionate, understanding. I am playful and affectionate. I am sarcastic but in a funny kind of way. I am open, I am honest, I am willing, I am a risk taker.
I see the light in people and I appreciate them. I thank God for them. I see the value in all human beings even if they are there to teach me what NOT to be. I am ambitious, I am optimistic about my future. I see a life full of passion, creativity and fun.
Everyday I let go a little more, loosen up a bit more, open myself up a bit more. Life is about fun and living in joy. I am committed to meeting the needs of all parts of myself. I want to be surrounded by people who are a match to who I am and who I want to be. I want to learn to be more open, authentic, loving, passionate, energetic, accepting.
Today I love who I am, and who I am becoming.
I am beautiful.
My value cannot be lessened by anyone. I am just as important, as significant, as special as all of God's creations and yet I am different enough, unique enough to bring something of particular value to the world. Together we make beautiful music. Disease cannot live in this body. I will no longer deny the precious being that I am.
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